”This too shall pass” is a sentence which can be both comforting or sad depending on the situation. Comforting when you’re suffering but sad when you feel happy…"

”This too shall pass” is a “mind collage” and a meditation on time where I am leaving a hidden trace of my own existence in places where I am passing through. This is accomplished without adding anything to the world, by an act of sheer rearrangement. It begun at a lover’s house in the summer of 2006 where I removed a screw (screw no 1) which later replaced another screw(screw no 2) in another place. Screw no 2 then replaced yet another screw (screw no 3) in a different location and so on..Each date and place of these spontaneous interventions/performances are documented together with notes of my own personal emotional state ranging from short notes of mood to more extensive writing as well as local or world news. Lately I have also begun to photograph the site of exchange.


To date I have exchanged hundreds of screws  in as far ranging settings as private homes, museums, cathedrals, art-galleries, restaurants, libraries, hospitals, airports, railway stations, government-buildings, police stations, bars, clubs, pubs, music venues, buses, trains, boats, railway stations, hotels, cafes, fast-food outlets, internet-cafes, places of heritage, Royal palaces, occupied houses, derelict buildings, schools, department stores, offices, shops, law-centers, changing rooms and public toilets.These exchanges has so far taken place in the UK, USA, France, Sweden, Germany, Holland, Belgium, Italy, Lebanon, Israel, Turkey, Greece and Thailand and is to be continued for the rest of my life, by which end I am hoping to have “rearranged” the whole world. The last screw in this chain of events, conducted by me, will exchange place with the one screw I cant undo; a screw from my own coffin and will be buried with me. This last exchange will be done by a person especially appointed this task. The screw from my coffin and the documentation of the project  will together  form the last step in this durational art work, its completion  by design one I will never experience.

 Not all documentation is available online.  The speed of updates currently lag behind the actual speed of  real life exchange with a few years.


Letter To a Lover, 

London, 18th June 2006

 

Dear K

It is strange thinking about my own death.. my departure. I feel vertigo. When I was a teenager I used to have anxiety attacks about dying.. the fear of dying made me want to kill my self.. now I conceptualize it.. I make my own death the crown of my own art piece.. the artwork that I will never see.. now I’m not scared of dying. I’m scared of loving.. that should have been living.. a spelling mistake… a freudian slip… last night after making love.. fucking.. making love ..fucking… making love, you told me, once again that your orgasm was like dying… a little death…and afterwards while you were sleeping, in your house, I left the start of a thread leading to my own death. In years to come at a museum somewhere.. that screw from my coffin.. no matter what will happen between us.. will irreversibly be linked to and connected with you.. via your house and every other place I been. I will always remember that very moment of unscrewing that screw.. you still in bed.. sleeping, me suddenly feeling insecure.. scared not of death but yes of love.

 

 

 

 

Between me and you the world will be rearranged. Everything will be different.. yet everything will be the same. The beginning and the end intertwined.. in your house… the screw that’s missing.. that little hole a symbolic anticipation of my own departure.. it will be just like that.. a little hole.. maybe in someone’s heart.. but other than that the world will stand.. just the same.. without collapsing.. like your house…Maybe one day there will be a crowd outside that house.. on some kind of “London Hidden Art Treasures ” guided tour, the guide pointing at your house ….” this is where it all begun….”

I will call this project ”This too shall pass” this is a sentence which can be both comforting or sad depending on the situation. Comforting when you’re suffering but sad when you’re happy. I’m thinking about how to leave a trace without adding anything. About the incomprehensible which is my own death About facing my fears. About the motivation behind creating. leaving traces..making marks. About time passing and about all the little deaths in between.. about love.. connections.. anticipation.. beginnings and endings.. permanence and change.. about us.

Kisses,
Anna Livia

 

 



Documentation

SCREW No I. Mood: In turmoil, Location: My lover’s house, 3A Brecknock Road, Camden, London, N7 0BL, United Kingdom, Date: June 18, 2006, News: Japan is to lodge a “fierce” protest if North Korea test-fires a missile said to be capable of hitting US.

SCREW No 2. Mood: Reassured, Location: Café, Stingray Café, 135 Fortress Road, London, NW5 2HR, United Kingdom, Date: June 18, 2006, News: Three police officers are killed in a suspected ambush by Tamil Tiger rebels, Sri Lankan officials say.

SCREW No 3. Mood: Happy, Location: Pizzeria, Zizzi, 4-5 King’s Street, Richmond- upon-Thames, Surrey, TW9 1ND, United Kingdom, Date: June 19, 2006, News: India to build huge economic zone.

SCREW No 4. Mood: In Love, Location: Bar, The Spitz, 109 Commercial Street, Old Spitalfields Market, London, E1 6BG, United Kingdom, News: Energy lever boosts Russian power.

SCREW No 5. Mood: Heartbroken, Location: Indian Restaurant, Chameli, 56 Chetwynd Road, Kentish Town, London, NW5 1DJ, United Kingdom, Date: June 25, 2006, News: Iraq PM unveils unity proposals.

SCREW No 6. Mood: Grieving, Location: Bar, Hoxton Square Bar and Kitchen, 2-4 Hoxton Square, London, N1 6NU, United Kingdom, Date: June 27, 2006, News: Hamas resist Israeli recognition.

SCREW No 7. Mood: Nervous, Location: Jobcentre, 30 Drysdale St, London, NI 6LT, United Kingdom, Date: June 28, 2006, News: Asia tsunami warning system ready.

SCREW No 8. Mood: Scared, Location: Pub, Unicorn Pub, 224 Camden Road, London, NW1 9AA, United Kingdom, Date: June 29, 2006 News: United Kingdom Government promises to cut carbon emissions from big business by 12.5 per cent on last year’s levels by 2012.

SCREW No 9. Mood: Sad, Location: Members Bar, The Arts Club, 50 Frith Street, Soho, London, W1D 4SQ, United Kingdom, Date: July 3, 2006, News: Rare meetings for Cyprus leaders.

SCREW No 10. Mood: Sad, Location: Members Bar, Gerry’s Club, 52 Dean Street, Soho, London, WID 5BJ, United Kingdom, Date: July 4, 2006, News: No swift solution to Gaza crisis. Israel faces a long and difficult struggle in securing the release of its soldier held in Gaza the BBC’s Alan Johnston writes.

SCREW No 11. Mood: Anxious, Location: Café, Spark Café, Springfield Park, Clap- ton, London, E5 9EF, United Kingdom, Date: July 14, 2006, News: Teenager died after sneezing fit.

SCREW No 12. Mood: Estranged, Location: Theatre bar, Hackney Empire, 291 Mare Street, London, E8 1EJ, United Kingdom, Date: July 15, 2006, News: Fresh appeal to restaurant worker.

SCREW No 13. Mood: Empty, Location: Restaurant, Solche Cicilia Grill Meze Bar, 1 Broadway Market, Hackney, London, E8 4PH, United Kingdom, Date: July 17, 2006, News: Petrol pump price set to reach £1.

SCREW NO 14. Mood: Grieving, Location: Museum, Tate Modern, Level 4, Bankside, London, SE1 9TG, United Kingdom, Date: July 17, 2006, News: Guatemala urged to act on murders.

SCREW NO 15. Mood: Blue, Location: Restaurant, Malaysian, Soho, address missing or withheld, London, United Kingdom, Date: August 3, 2006, News: ‘Worst-ever’ sex offender jailed.

SCREW NO 16. Mood: Suffering, Location: Nightclub, Notting Hill Arts Club, 21 Notting Hill Gate, Notting Hill Gate, London, W11 3JQ, United Kingdom, Date: August 10, 2006, News: UN Lebanon resolution.

SCREW NO 17. Mood: Lonely, Location: Restaurant, Abi Ruchi, Stoke Newington Church Street, London, N16 OLU, United Kingdom, Date: August, 11 2006, ‘Neighbours shock at terror raid’.

SCREW NO 18. Mood: Contemplative, Location: Rented holiday house, Arildshuset, Hagavägen, 260 43 Arild, Sweden, Date: August 17, 2006, News: ‘Militants killed in West Bank raid’.

SCREW NO 19. Mood: Calm, Location: Chapel, Rented holiday house, Arildshuset, Hagavägen, 260 43 Arild, Sweden, Date: August 18, 2006, News: Migrants missing off Italy coast.

SCREW NO 20. Mood: Contemplative, Location: Hotel, Radisson SAS Grand Hotel, Stortorget 8-12, 25111 Helsingborg, Sweden, Date: August 19, 2006, News: Terror police find ‘martyr tapes’.

SCREW NO 21. Mood: Calm, Location: Train 2000, Helsingborg - Stockholm, Sweden, Date: August 19, 2006, News: Oldest record shop up for sale.

SCREW NO 22. Mood: Excited, Location: Restaurang Berlin, Skånegatan 71, 11637 Stockholm, Sweden, Date: August 27, 2006, News: Obama draws crowds on slum tour

SCREW NO 23. Mood: Daring, Location: Restaurant, Prinsen, Mäster-samuelsgatan 4, 111 44 Stockholm, Sweden, Date: September 5, 2006, News: Doctor leads time travel research.

SCREW NO 24. Mood: Flirtatious, Location: Bar, Kellys, Folkungag. 49, 11622, Stockholm, Sweden, Date: September 30, 2006, News: Early Alzheimers signs detected.

SCREW NO 25. Mood: Intoxicated, Location: Private party, 6A Spafield St, London, EC1R 4QB, Date: October 8, 2006, News: Prescott backs right to wear veil.

SCREW NO 26. Mood: Underwhelmed, Location: Bar, Bonden, Bondegatan 1C, Stockholm, Sweden, 116 23, Date: October 15, 2006, News: Veil teacher should be back.

SCREW NO 27. Mood: Inspired, Location: Pizzeria, address missing or with held, Liverpool, United Kingdom, Date: October 27, 2006. News: Free speech online ‘under threat’

SCREW NO 28. Mood: Excited, Location: Members Bar, The Arts Club, 50 Frith Street, Soho, London, W1D 4SQ, United Kingdom, Date: November 6, 2006. News: Moroccan airline bans prayer time.

SCREW NO 29. Mood: Tired, Location: Café, Paternoster Square, address missing or withheld, City of London, London, EC4M 7DX, United Kingdom, Date: November 9, 2006, News: Cartoons protester found guilty.

SCREW NO 30. Mood: Excited, Location: Airport, Skavsta flygplats, General Schybergs Väg 22, 61122 Nyköping Date: September 9, 2006, News: The Japanese Jesus trail.

SCREW NO 31. Mood: Determined, Location: Airport, London, City airport, Royal Docks, London, E16 2PB, United Kingdom, Date: December 12, 2006, News: Radioactive traces on BA planes.

SCREW NO 32. Mood: Upset, Location: College, 10235 Studie Främjandet, Eastmans- vägen 8, 11324 Stockholm, Sweden, Date: December 12, 2006, News: Uktraine babies in stem cell probe.

SCREW NO 33. Mood: Anxious, Location: Private Party, 16 Andre St, Hackney, London, E8 2AA, United Kingdom, Date: December 17, 2006, News: Adults abandon further education.

SCREW NO 34. Mood: Lonely, Location: Supetrmarket, Tesco, 55 Morning Lane, Hackney, London, E9 6ND, United Kingdom, Date: December 17, 2006, News: US church splits over sexuality.

SCREW NO 35. Mood: Happy, Location: Bar, address missing or withheld, Brick Lane , London, United Kingdom, Date: January 7, 2007, News: Call for better pension trustees.

SCREW NO 36. Mood: Excited, Location: Bar, Boheme Kitchen and Bar, 19-21 Old Compton Street, Soho, London, W1D 5JJ, United Kingdom, Date: February 22, 2007, News: Chimpanzees ‘hunt using spears’.

SCREW NO 37. Mood: Scared, Location: Hospital, x-ray department, Homerton Hospital, Homerton Row, Homerton, London, E9 6SR, United Kingdom, Date: March 15, 2007, News: Rocks reveal Mars’ watery past.

SCREW NO 38. Mood: Nervous, Location: Hospital x-ray department, Akademiska Sjukhuset, E-751 85 Uppsala, Sweden, Date: March 20, 2007, News: Mars bars get veggie status back.

SCREW NO 39. Mood: Relieved, Location: Hospital, x-ray department, Akademiska Sjukhuset, E-751 85 Uppsala, Sweden, Date: March 29, 2007, News: Iraq detainee loses court appeal.

SCREW NO 40. Mood: Happy, Location: Railway station, Avesta Krylbo, Sweden, Date: April 3, 2007, News: Indian state bans sex education.

SCREW NO 41. Mood: Contemplative, Location: Patisserie, Elsa Andersons Konditori, Fagerstavägen 1 (Torget Norberg), Sweden, Date: April 5, 2007, News: Moves to marginalise extremists.

SCREW NO 42. Mood: Excited, Location: Patisserie, Ofvandahls Hovkonditori, Sysslomansgatan 57, 75223 Uppsala, Sweden, Date: April 8, 2007, News: Cartoons protester found guilty.

SCREW NO 43. Mood: Lonely, Location: Private party, address missing or withheld, Ringvägen, Stockholm, Sweden, Date: April 10, 2007, News: Five arrested after illegal rave.

SCREW NO 44. Mood: Disgusted, Location: Nightclub, Spy bar, Birger Jarlsgatan 20, 11434 Stockholm, Sweden, Date: April 15, 2007, News: North Korea reaches nuclear deadline.

SCREW NO 45. Mood: Inspired, Location: Art gallery, Konstens stadsråd, address missing or withheld, Stockholm, Sweden, Date: April 20, 2007, News: EU and Iran to hold nuclear talks.

SCREW NO 46. Mood: Happy, Location: Hotel bar, Continental, 143 Strand, London, WC2R 1JA, United Kingdom, Date: May 22, 2007, News: Birds starve at South Korea wetland.

SCREW NO 47. Mood: Happy, Location: Art gallery, Bearspace, 152 Deptford High Street, Deptford, London, SE8 3PQ, United Kingdom, Date: May 24, 2007, News: Bin charges ‘to boost recycling’.

SCREW NO 48. Mood: Content, Location: Event space, Space Studios, 129-131 Mare St, Hackney, London, E8, United Kingdom, Date: June 6, 2007, News: Did microwaves ‘spark’ obesity?

SCREW NO 49. Mood: contemplative, Location: Cemetery, Svanskog, address missing or withheld, Sweden, Date: June 22, 2007, News: NHS urged to cut carbon emissions.

SCREW NO 50. Mood: Indecisive, Location: Restaurant, Åmåls Stadshotell, Kungsgatan 9, 66221 Åmål, Sweden, Date: June 24, 2007, News: Tycoon elected Buenos Aires Mayor.

SCREW NO 51. Mood: Bored, Location: Bar, F12, Fredsgatan 12, 11152 Stockholm, Sweden, Date: July 11, 2007, News: Western diet risk to Asian women.

SCREW NO 52. Mood: Anxious, Location: Private party, Friends of friend’s apartment, address missing, Högalidsgatan, Stockholm, Sweden, Date: July 11, 2007, News: Online advertising growing fast.

SCREW NO 53. Mood: Sad, Location: Vegetarian Restaurant, Hermans, Fjallgatan 23 A, 11628 Stockholm, Sweden, Date: July 14, 2007, News: Miliband defends UK US-relations.

SCREW NO 54. Mood: Contemplative, Location: Train, Malmö-Berlin, Date: July 15, 2007, News: Pakistan militants end truce.

SCREW NO 55. Mood: Excited, Location: Ferry between Trelleborg and Germany, Date: July 16, 2007, News: Haneef ‘will remain behind bars’

SCREW NO 56. Mood: Inspired, Location: Private home, address missing or withheld, Mitte, Berlin, Germany, Date: July 19, 2007, News: Power cut fears after Japan quake.

SCREW NO 57. Mood: Happy, Location: Bar, Kastanien Alle, address missing or withheld, Berlin, Date: July 27, 2007, News: Cannabis raises psychosis risk.

SCREW NO 58. Mood: Happy, Location: Bar, Franken Bar, Oranienstraße 19, 10999 Kreuzberg, Berlin, Germany, Date: August 28, 2007. News: Deaths in US helicopter crash.

SCREW NO 59. Mood: Happy, Location: Bar, Kastanienalle, address missing or withheld, Berlin, Germany, Date: August 2, 2007, News: Anger over blasphemous balls.

SCREW NO 60. Mood: Happy, Location: Museum, the Berlin Wall Documentation tCenter, Bernauerstraße 111, 13355 Berlin, Germany, Date: August 2, 2007, News: Rus- sia plants flag under North Pole.

SCREW NO 61. Mood: Sad, Location: Hospital, Campus Charité Mitte Luisenstraße 65/66, "Bettenhochhaus" Berlin, Germany, Date: August 3, 2007, News: Mosque fire treated as suspicious.

SCREW NO 62. Mood: Lonely, Location: Music Festival, Goldmund, Biesenthal, Germany, Date: August 5, 2007, News: US House passes clean energy Bill.

SCREW NO 63. Mood: Relieved, Location: Art gallery, Foto Shop, Brunnenstraße 11, 10119 Berlin, Germany, Date: August 9, 2007 News: Russia's parks cold war scramble.

SCREW NO 64. Mood: Sad, Location: Private home, Prinsenalle 17, Wedding, Berlin, Germany, Date: August 15, 2007, News: Fat crucial in children’s diet

SCREW NO 65. Mood: tired, Location: Restaurant, Pizza Express, 450 Strand, London, WC2R ORG, United Kingdom, Date: August 7, 2007, News: Mistakes made over 7/7 reaction.

SCREW NO 66. Mood: Calm, Location: Art gallery, ICA, 12 Carlton House Terrace, London, SW1Y 5AH, United Kingdom, Date: August 2, 2007, News: Dingy had measure of Tassie tiger.

SCREW NO 67. Mood: Disappointed, Location: Restaurant, Abiruchi South Indian Seafood & Vegetarian, 42 Stoke Newington Church Street, Stoke Newington, Lon- don, N16 0LU, United Kingdom, Date: September 9, 2007, News: Israeli neo-nazi gang arrested.

SCREW NO 68. Mood: Contemplative, Location: Register office, Westminster, Westminster Council House, Marylebone Road, London, NW1 5PT, United Kingdom, Date: September 11, 2007, News: 11 September, Five years on.

SCREW NO 69. Mood: Excited, Location: Restaurant, Pizza Express, 133 Baker Street, Marylebone, London, W1M 2BJ, London, United Kingdom, Date: September 11, 2007, News: Woman cleared of dog attack death.

SCREW NO 70. Mood: Content, Location: Music Venue, Inn On The Green, 3-5 Thorpe Close, Ladbroke Grove, London, W10 5XL, United Kingdom, Date: August 2, 2007, News: France warning of war with Iran.

SCREW NO 71. Mood: Expectant, Location: Bar, Hoxton Square Bar and Kitchen, 2-4 Hoxton Square, Hoxton, London, N1 6NU, United Kingdom, Date: October 4, 2007, News: Chilli compound fires painkiller.

SCREW NO 72. Mood: Melancholic, Location: Nightclub, Shunt Lounge, London, 42-44 Bermondsey Street, London Bridge, London, SEI 3UD, United Kingdom, Date: October 5, 2007, News: Will we ever send humans to Mars?

SCREW NO 73. Mood: Lonesome, Location: Private party, 21 Sandstone Place, Dartmouth Park Hill, N19 5TU, London, United Kingdom, Date: October 7, 2007, News: Mother seeks daughter’s hysterectomy.

SCREW NO 74. Mood: Mesmerised, Location: Pub, Bedford Arms, 77 Bedford Hill, Balham, London, SW12 9HD, United Kingdom, Date: October 23, 2007, News: Missile shield is urgent-Bush.

SCREW NO 75. Mood: Calm, Location: Bar, address missing or withheld, London, United Kingdom, Date: October 25, 2007, News: Schizophrenics spot illusions.

SCREW NO 76. Mood: Captivated, Location: Pub, the Old Ship, 138 Cable Street, London, E1 OAH, United Kingdom, Date: October 26, 2007, News: California fires evacuees go home.

SCREW NO 77. Mood: Reserved, Location: Warehouse party, The Where? House, unit 3C Millmead Industrial Estate, Tottenham Hale, London, N17 9QU, United Kingdom, Date: October 28, 2007, News: California fires evacuees go home.

SCREW NO 78. Mood: Optimistic, Location: Underground arts venue, Speaker Palace, 14 Andre St, Hackney, London, E8 2AA, United Kingdom, Date: October 31, 2007, News: Queen welcomes Saudi Arabian King.

SCREW NO 79. Mood: Enchanted, Location: Bar, Hoxton Square Bar and Kitchen, 2-4 Hoxton Square, Hoxton, London, N1 6NU, United Kingdom, Date: November 1, 2007, News: Police guilty over Menezes case.

SCREW NO 80. Mood: Fatigued, Location: Music venue, Islington Academy, N1 Centre, 16 Parkfield Street, Islington, London, N1 0PS, United Kingdom, Date: November 10, 2007, News: UK terror tactics ‘create unease’.

SCREW NO 81. Mood: Introspective, Location: Nightclub, Electrowerkz, 7 Torrens Street, Angel, London, EC1V 1NQ, United Kingdom, Date: November 11, 2007, News: Loneliness could be in your genes.

SCREW NO 82. Mood: Overwhelmed, Location: Pub, Duke of Cambridge, 30 St Peters Street, London, N1 8JT, United Kingdom, Date: November 17, 2007, News: Man remanded over student’s death.

SCREW NO 83. Mood: In love, Location: Superstore, IKEA Glover Drive, Edmonton, London, N18 3HF. United Kingdom. Date: November 21, 2007, News: Brown apologises for record loss.

SCREW NO 84. Mood: Joyous, Location: Art gallery, T1+2 Gallery, Hereford Street, Bethnal Green, London, E2 6EX, United Kingdom, Date: November 23, 2007, News: Litvinenko death fuels UK-Russia spy war

SCREW NO 85. Mood: Tired, Location: Airport, Flughafen Berlin-Schönefeld, Berliner Flughafen-Gesellschaft mbH 12521, Berlin, Germany, Date: December 4, 2007, News: Almost 2m speeding tickets a year.

SCREW NO 86. Mood: Irritated, Location: Fast food outlet, McDonalds, Hermannplatz 2, 10967 Berlin, Germany, Date: December 7, 2007, News: Indian economy set to decelerate.

SCREW NO 87. Mood: Frustrated, Location: Restaurants & café, Barcomi, Sophienstraße 21, 10178 Berlin, Germany, Date: December 7, 2007, News: Arctic sea ice ‘thins by almost half’.

SCREW NO 88. Mood: Disengaged, Location: Bar, Hackbarth, Auguststraße. 49A, 10119 Berlin, Germany, Date: December 7, 2007, News: Hospital bug linked to 77 deaths.

SCREW NO 89. Mood: Happy, Location: Restaurant, Vegetarisches Restaurant Yellow Sunshine, Wienerstraße 19, 10999 Berlin, Germany, Date: December 8, 2007, News: Iran protests over US 'espionage’.

SCREW NO 90. Mood: Inspired, Location: Bar, Wonderbar, Wienerstraße 45, Kreuzberg, 10997 Berlin, Germany, Date: December 8, 2007, News: Thatcher honours Falklands dead.

SCREW NO 91. Mood: Excited, Location: Café-Bar, Geronimi, Sonntagsstraße 9, 10245, Berlin, Germany, Date: December 10, 2007, News: Mysterious mammal caught on film.

SCREW NO 92. Mood: Bewitched, Location: Private house, Neue Bahnhofstraße 18, Ostkreutz, 10245 Berlin, Germany, Date: December 11, 2007, News: Dozens killed in Algeria blast.

SCREW NO 93. Mood: Desire, Location: Train, Berlin, Germany - Amsterdam, The Netherlands, Date: December 13, 2007, News: 2007 data confirms warming trend. 

This one is hard to relinquish, just like you... 
I let the screw dislodged from your apartment rest in my hand for a few minutes. Feel its cold metal against my skin as I briefly hold back in preparation to let go. 
Kiss its head then quickly undo a screw securing a handle to a toilet wall on the 1.38pm Berlin – Amsterdam intercity train before replacing it with the screw from your Berlin Apartment. 48 hours has passed since I removed it. It’s now 10 past two in the afternoon on  December 13th, 2007 and the train is pulling into another station. 
So... are you in love you asked me. Why did you ask me? My father once gave me a book about love written by an author with a name similar to the town that now is passing me by. Stendal. A town glanced through a toilet window, a book unread, written on a mysterious subject... love. Strange patterns are circulating in my head. Your birthday, that 'horror' scope that falls on the same date as my father, the second of September and... nothing... A coincidence? 
The dance a search for meaning no longer able to keep up all night. 
So are you in love? You asked me. With who? With you? Yes! I wanted to say yes. I said nothing... My words souvenirs from a familiar territory, a complex necklace made with the same atoms that you are made of... familiar stranger. A keepsake for your mind made from contradictions. The longing to connect and the fear. I know it well. These particles of longing. What are they made of? The three windows in your room, grey sky, your sparkling eyes... 
I want to drink you again and again, over and over. Firework in my mouth, distant stars. 
There is an unexpected ache in my heart, an army of longing is invading me, surprising me, betraying me, unsettling me, possessing me and evicting me from myself. Emotions and memories turn inside of me as I turn the key in the hole of eternity. Doors leading to doors, opening up to rooms that open up to other rooms. A million different versions of myself beckoning me to follow parallel lives that tear me apart. 
I feel a sense of displacement and recognition as I turn the screw, inserting the screw from your flat into this new hole. It is easy, it’s slightly smaller and it does not take much force to fix it into its new location.
Three days ago we were strangers, the day after we watched films in bed... and now, here I stand, in this toilet, undone, the walls are blue. 
It is still light outside, grey sky, the windows in your eyes. 
Here I stand, undone, while your toxic persuasion slips in between 'HIM' that waits for me on a platform and 'ME' who is traveling in “the wrong direction” with a force that rips a crack in the dream of forever... and sucks me through to the other side, to the other me... the other 'YOU'. 
Freefall... Freefall... Freefall...

 

 

 

 

SCREW NO 94. Mood: Detached, Location: Bar, De Balie, address: Kleine-Gartman- plantsoen 10, Amsterdam, The Netherlands, Date: December 17, 2007, News: Campaign to cut domestic violence.

SCREW NO 95. Mood: Estranged, Location: Private apartment, Amstelveenseweg 77- 4, 1075 VW, Amsterdam, The Netherlands. Date: December 17, 2007, News: Teachers ‘tied-up pupil on floor’.

SCREW NO 96. Mood: Happy, Location: Airport, Amsterdam Airport Schiphol, PO Box 7501, 1118 ZG Schiphol, The Netherlands, Date: December 21, 2007, News: Taiwan UN bid ‘provocative’ -US.

SCREW NO 97. Mood: Merry, Location: Bar, Biddle Bros (Builders), Lower Clapton, London, E5 0QR, United Kingdom, Date: January 1, 2008, News: Strokosch is player of the month.

SCREW NO 98. Mood: Relieved, Location: Café, Patisserie Valerie, 215 Brompton Road, South Kensington, London, SW3 2EJ, United Kingdom, Date: January 7, 2008, News: Rottweiler ‘pounced’ on youngster.

SCREW NO 99. Mood: Inspired, Location: Art gallery, Serpentine Gallery, Kensington Gardens, Kensington, London, W2 3XA, United Kingdom, Date: January 7.2008, News: Leeman resigns as Larne manager.

SCREW NO 100. Mood: Tired, Location: College, British School of Osteopathy, 275 Borough High Street, Borough, London, SE1 1JE, United Kingdom, Date: January 14, 2008. News: Timeline: Suffolk killings.

SCREW NO 101. Mood: Anticipation, Location: Airport-bus, Marseille-Provence airport - Marseille-Gare St Charles, Railway Station, France. Date: January 20, 2008, News: France’s oldest WW1 veteran dies.

SCREW NO 102. Mood: Love, Location: Restaurant, Mezzaurre, 23 Rue Doctor Louis Marcon, 83150 Bandol, France, Date: January 24, 2008, News: Last Alaska language speaker dies.

SCREW NO 103. Mood: Happy, Location: Train station, Gare St Charles, Marseille, France, Date: January 26, 2008, News: Man hurt in electric blanket fire.

SCREW NO 104, Mood: Apprehensive, Location: Concert hall, Queen Elizabeth Hall, Southbank Centre, Belvedere Road, London, SE1 8XX, United Kingdom, Date: February 3, 2008 News: Votes counted in Serbian election.

SCREW NO 105. Mood: Adrift, Location: Party, Private apartment, address missing or withheld, Manor Road, Stoke Newington, London, N16, United Kingdom, Date: February 10, 2008, News: Crowds gather while Camden burns.

SCREW NO 106. Mood: Bewildered, Location: Private apartment, Prinsenalle 17, Wedding, Berlin, Germany, Date: February 19, 2008, News: Bush salutes Kosovo independence.

SCREW NO 107. Mood: Annoyed, Location: Art gallery, Decima, 22 Smeed Rd, Hackney Wick, London, E3 2NR, United Kingdom, Date: February 23, 2008, News: Animator’s tough trail to Oscar.

SCREW NO 108. Mood: Infatuated, Location: Private apartment, Weiserstraße 5, 12049 Neukölln, Berlin, Germany, Date: March 7, 2008, News: Doubts about shaken baby syndrome.

SCREW NO 109. Mood: Anxious, Location: Restaurant, Pride of Siam, 50 Exmouth Market, Clerkenwell, London, EC1R 4QE, United Kingdom, Date: March 12, 2008, News: Charles and Camilla meet reggae royalty.

SCREW NO 110. Mood: Excited, Location: Townhall, Bezirksamt Pankow Breitestraße 24A, 13187 Berlin, Germany, Date: May 8, 2008, News: Eyewitness: No help after cyclone.

SCREW NO 111. Mood: Excited, Location: Café, Via Berndino Passeri, address missing or withheld Rome, Italy, Date: May 31, 2008, News: Swiss hold crunch citizenship vote.

SCREW NO 112. Mood: Excited, Location: Café, Downtown Beirut, address missing or withheld, Lebanon, Date: June 1, 2008, News: Lebanese official source: French president to visit Lebanon.

SCREW NO 113. Mood: Reflective, Location: Private house, AlFouwara, address missing, Mount Lebanon, Lebanon, Date: June 2, 2008, News: Hezbollah handed over nine Israeli soldiers remains.

SCREW NO 114. Mood: Solitary, Location: Palace, Beiteddine Palace, Mount Lebanon, Lebanon, Date: June 3, 2008, News: Lebanese soldier shoots college, kills woman, then- commits suicide.

SCREW NO 115. Mood: Self-contained, Location: Academic institute, the Orient-Institut Beirut (OIB), Rue Hussein Beyhoum 44, Zokak el-Blat, Beirut, Lebanon, Date: June 4, 2008 News: Beirut regains its sense of optimism.

SCREW NO 116. Mood: Awe-inspiring, Location: Ancient ruins, Balbeck (Heliopolis), Beqa’a Valley, Lebanon, Date: June 5, 2008, News: Assad says Syria may open embassy in Lebanon.

SCREW NO 117. Mood: Excited, Location: Motorway café, address missing or withheld, Beqa’a Valley, Lebanon, Date: June 5, 2008, News: Security breaches, tension continues in Beirut.

SCREW NO 118. Mood: Happy, Location: Cultural centre, Beit El Fann, Mar Elias Street, El Mina, Tripoli, Lebanon, Date: June 8, 2008, News: German FM discusses Lebanon with Syrian counterpart.

SCREW NO 119. Mood: Sad, Location: Private apartment, address missing or withheld, Beirut, Lebanon Date: June 9, 2008, News: Four wounded in armed clashes in Lebanon.

SCREW NO 120. Mood: Drunk, Location: Airport Hotel, address missing or withheld, Rome, Italy, Date: June 10, 2008, News: Islamist seriously wounded in Ein el-Hilweh shooting.

SCREW NO 121. Mood: Happy, Location: Pub, JD Wetherspoon, 282 Mare Street, Hackney, London, E81HE, United Kingdom, Date: June 11, 2008, News: Legacy of Canada’s residential schools.

SCREW NO 122. Mood: Happy, Location: Restaurant, Pizza Express, Benbow House, 24 New Globe Walk, Southwark, London, SE1 9DS, United Kingdom, Date: June 27, 2008, News: Italy PM in Libya to meet Gadafi.

SCREW NO 123. Mood: Hungover, Location: Private apartment, Christburgerstraße, Number missing or withheld, Prezlauer Berg, Berlin, Germany, Date: July 19, 2008, News: Mayor wants Python film ban ended.

SCREW NO 124. Mood: Tired, Location: office, address missing or withheld, Schöneberg, Germany, Date: July 24, 2008, News: Net firms in music pirates deal.

SCREW NO 125. Mood: Tired, Location: Club, Bar 25, Berlin, Germany, Date: July missing, 2008, News: missing.

SCREW NO 126. Mood: Excited, Location: Private house, Bäcka, address missing or withheld, Sweden, Date: August 5, 2008, News: The accelerator of the modern age.

SCREW NO 127. Mood: Nervous, Location: Café, Café Victoria, Botaniska trädgården, Villavägen 8, 75236 Uppsala, Sweden, Date: August 18, 2008, News: The strongman and the war on terror.

SCREW NO 128. Mood: Happy, Location: Music venue, Musikens hus, Vaksala torg 1, Uppsala, Sweden, Date: August 23, 2008 News: Argentine dog saves abandoned baby.

SCREW NO 129. Mood: Happy, Location: Train station, Gävle Centralstation, Sweden, Date: August 23, 2008, News: Dozens injured in Sri Lanka blast.

SCREW NO 130. Mood: Stressed, Location: Pub, address missing or withheld, Mayfair, London, United Kingdom, Date: September 2, 2008, News: UK ‘sex on beach’ trial delayed.

SCREW NO 131. Mood: Sad, Location: Hospital, Accident and Emergency department, Homerton Hospital, Homerton Row, Homerton, London, E9 6SR, United Kingdom, United Kingdom, Date: September 2, 2008, News: Kandahar rocked by suicide blasts.

SCREW NO 132. Mood: Sad, Location: Music Venue, Scala, 275 Pentonville Road, Kings Cross, London, N1 9NL, United Kingdom, Date: September 8, 2008 News: Jail for French ‘garage surgeon’.

SCREW NO 133. Mood: Drunk, Location: Private party, Blurton Road, number missing or withheld, London, E5, United Kingdom, Date: September 19, 2008, News: Hadron Collider forced to halt.

SCREW NO 134. Mood: Stressed, Location: Private apartment, Thomasstraße, address missing or withheld, Neukölln, Berlin, Germany, Date: October 3, 2008, News: Four arrested over India nun rape.

SCREW NO 135. Mood: Happy, Location: Pub, Town of Ramsgate, Wapping, Lon- don, E1W 2PN, United Kingdom, Date: October 8, 2008, News: Police raid Nigerian ‘baby farm’.

SCREW NO 136. Mood: Worried, Location: Toilet, Regents Studio, 8 Andrew Road, Hackney, London, E8 4QN, United Kingdom, Date: October 10, 2008, News: Migrants ‘feared dead’ off Yemen.

SCREW NO 137. Mood: Happy, Location: Art venue, Stoke Newington Airport, 1- 15 Leswin Place, Stoke Newington, London, N16, United Kingdom, Date: November 8, 2008, News: Hurricane lashes Cayman Islands.

SCREW NO 138. Mood: Happy, Location: Art gallery, Sprovieri, 27 Heddon Street, Mayfair, W1B 4BJ, London, United Kingdom, Date: December 4, 2008, News: Westerners ‘kidnapped’ in Somalia.

SCREW NO 139. Mood: Relieved, Location: University, The College of Law, 14 Store Street, Bloomsbury, London, WC1E 7DE, United Kingdom, Date: December 5, 2008, News: Fay hits Florida for fourth time.

SCREW NO 140. Mood: Inspired, Location: Museum, Hamburger Bahnhof - Museum für Gegenwart, Invalidenstraße 50-51, 10557, Berlin, Germany, Date: December 16, 2008, News: Explosives found in Paris Store.

SCREW NO 141. Mood: Merry, Location: Bar, Ambrosius Bier Club, Warschauerstraße 26, 10243 Berlin, Germany, Date: December 20, 2008, News: Motor industry bailout ‘due soon’.

SCREW NO 142. Mood: Merry, Location: Bar, Club 49, Ohlauerstraße 31, 10999 Kreuz- berg, Berlin, Germany, Date: December 31, 2008, News: Cybercrime threat rising sharply.

SCREW NO 143. Mood: Motivated, Location: Business centre, HAC, number missing or withheld, Dalston Lane, Dalston, London, E8, United Kingdom, Date: January 21, 2009, News: World media on Obama inauguration.

SCREW NO 144. Mood: Happy, Location: Art gallery, Seven Star Gallery, Gormannstraße 7, 10119 Berlin, Germany, Germany, Date: January 31, 2009, News: Exercise classes for one year-olds.

SCREW NO 145. Mood: Happy, Location: Bar, Eschschloraque, Rosenthalerstraße 39, 10178 Berlin-mitte, Germany, Date: February 6, 2009 News: HRT cancer connection confirmed.

SCREW NO 146. Mood: Happy, Location: Bar, Bar Alba, Oranienstraße 39, Berlin, Germany, Date: February 7, 2009, News: Obama administration offers olive branch to Russia and Iran.

SCREW NO 147. Mood: Exhausted, Location: Bar, Bar Baiz, Christinenstraße 1, 10119 Berlin, Germany, Date: March 7, 2009, News: Vatican backs abortion row bishop.

SCREW NO 148. Mood: Happy, Location: Music venue, Club SO36, Oranienstraße 190, 10999 Berlin, Germany, Date: March 13, 2009, News: Mars had ‘recent’ running water.

SCREW NO 149. Mood: Exhausted, Location: Bar, Ankerklause, Kottbusser Damm 104, 10967 Berlin, Germany, Date: March 26, 2009, News: Ex-Taivan leader in graft trial.

SCREW NO 150. Mood: Exhausted, Location: Office, address missing or withheld, Schöneberg, Berlin, Germany, Date: March 27, 2009, News: Women told: You have dishonoured your family, please kill yourself.

SCREW NO 151. Mood: Bored, Location: office, address missing or withheld, Schöne- berg, Berlin, Germany, Date: April 4, 2009, News: Muslim leader sues Blears on Gaza.

SCREW NO 152. Mood: Happy, Location: Bar-Gallery, O Tannenbaum, Pflugerstraße 79A, Berlin, Germany, Date: April 11, 2009, News: Petrol bomb attack on Orange hall.

SCREW NO 153. Mood: Happy, Location: Street, Pflugerstraße 79A, Berlin, Germany, Date: April 11, 2009, News: Will climate change spread disease?

SCREW NO 154. Mood: Lonely, Location: Nightclub, Raum 18, Ziegrastraße, 12057 Berlin, Germany, Date: April 17, 2009, News: Moldova recount ‘confirms result’.

SCREW NO 155. Mood: Tired, Location: Office, address missing or withheld, Schöneberg, Berlin, Germany, Date: April 20, 2009, News: Cult author JG Ballard dies at 78.

SCREW NO 156. Mood: Hungry, Location: Restaurant, Bertorelli, 44a, Floral Street, Covent Garden, London, WC2E 9DA, United Kingdom, Date: April 23, 2009, News: Radio gets a radical revamp.

SCREW NO 157. Mood: Anxious, Location: Bar, Restaurant and Cafe, The Elk In The Woods, 9 Camden Passage, Islington, London N1 8EA Angel, London, United Kingdom Date: April 24, 2009, News: Naked Japanese singer apologises.

SCREW NO 158. Mood: Reflective, Location: Pub, Chelsea Potter, Radnor Walk, Lon- don, SW3 4PL, United Kingdom, Date: April 25, 2009, News: Mexico bid to contain deadly flu.

SCREW NO 159. Mood: Tired, Location: Gallery / performance space, Resistance Gallery, 265 Poyser St, Bethnal Green, London, E2 9RF, United Kingdom, Date: May 3, 2009, News: How satellites could ‘sail’ home.

SCREW NO 160. Mood: Drunk, Location: Night Club, King Kong Klub Club. Brunnenstraße 173 030 91206860 Berlin, Germany, Date: May 7, 2009, News: City diaries: 7th May.

SCREW NO 161. Mood: Lonely, Location: Bar, Supersonic, Weichselstraße 15, 12045, Berlin, Germany, Date: May 23, 2009, News: New evidence points to Hezbollah in Hariri murder.

SCREW NO 162. Mood: Merry, Location: House party, Maizerstraße, address missing, Berlin, Germany, Date: May 30, 2009, News: BBC offers apology to Muslim council of Britain over guest’s remark.

SCREW NO 163. Mood: Merry, Location: Bar, Sofia, Wrangelstraße 93, 10997 Berlin, Germany, Date: May 31, 2009, News: Brown pledges MP code of conduct.

SCREW NO 164. Mood: Happy, Location: Bar, Dalston Superstore, 177 Kingsland High St, London, Dalston, E8 2PB, United Kingdom, Date: July 5, 2009, News: Iran clerics defy election ruling.

SCREW NO 165. Mood: Happy, Location: Restaurant, Parioli, 90 Lower Clapton Road, Lower Clapton, London, E5 0QR, United Kingdom, Date: July 8, 2009, News: Foreign office minister resigns.

SCREW NO 166. Mood: Hungry, Location: Hotel, the Victoria Hotel, Station Road, Robin Hoods Bay, Whitby, North Yorkshire, YO22 4RL, United Kingdom, Date: July 11, 2009, News: Swine flu hits Richard.

SCREW NO 167. Mood: Concerned, Location: Private house, address missing or withheld, York, United Kingdom, Date: July 12, 2009, News: Al-Qaeda releases Swiss hostage.

 

SCREW NO 168. Mood: Bored, Location: Cathedral, York Minster, York, United Kingdom, Date: July 12, 2009, News: “Cash back” pledge for green power.

SCREW NO 169. Mood: Concerned, Location: Train, Between York and London, United Kingdom, Date: July 12, 2009, News: Tough love from a brother

SCREW NO 170. Mood: Concerned, Location: Train, York - London, United Kingdom, Date: July 12, 2009, News: Tough love from a brother. 

SCREW NO 171. Mood: Happy, Location, Private apartment, address missing, Bude, Cornwall, United Kingdom, Date: July 23, 2009, News: PC shot police worker with magnum. 

SCREW NO 172. Mood: Happy, Location, Railway Station, Exeter St Davids station, Bonhay Rd Exeter, Devon, EX4, United Kingdom, Date: July 23, 2009, News: Euthanasia man’s partner arrested. 

SCREW NO 173. Mood: Tired, Location, Bar, the Strongroom, 120-124, Curtain Road, Shoreditch, London, EC2A 3SQ, United Kingdom, Date: July 27, 2009, News: Islamic school ban sparks protest. 

SCREW NO 174. Mood: Tired, Location: Pub, the Old Blue Last, 39 Great Eastern Street, Shoreditch, London, EC2A 3ES, United Kingdom, Date: July 27, 2009 News: Pakistan-art lovers defy Taliban stage fright. 

SCREW NO 175. Mood: Happy Sad, Location: Private apartment, Munthofstraat, St Giles, Brussels, number missing or withheld, Belgium, Date: August 6, 2009, News: Is free news a thing of the past? 

SCREW NO 176. Mood: Drunk, Location: Artist studio, address missing or withheld, Opprebais, Belgium, Date: 6th of August 2009, News: Personal insolvency at new record. 

SCREW NO 177. Mood: Hungover, Location: Train, Brussels, Belgium - Berlin, Germany, Date: August 7, 2009, News: Muslim women avoid reporting racism. 

SCREW NO 178. Mood: Fascinated, Location: Abandoned sanatorium, 14547 Beelitz Heilstätten, Germany, Date: August 20, 2009, News: Afghan poll hailed as ‘success’. 

SCREW NO 179. Mood: Exhausted, Location: Art gallery, Kunstraum t27, Thomasstraße 27, 12053 Berlin, Germany, Date: August 26, 2009, News: Genetic advance raises IVF hopes. 

SCREW NO 180. Mood: Inspired, Location: Art institute, Kunstlerhaus Bethanien, Mariannenplatz 2, 10997 Kreuzberg, Berlin, Germany, Date: August 27, 2009, News: North Caucasus bloggers speak out. 

SCREW NO 181. Mood: Unsure, Location: Art festival, Magstrale, Pohlstraße 11, 10785 Berlin, Germany, Date: September 12, 2009, News: French unease at Telecom suicides. SCREW NO 182. Mood: Deflated, Location: Train. Berlin-Beelitz, Hailstatten, Berlin, Germany, Date: September 14, 2009, News: Student finance shambles anger. 

SCREW NO 182. Mood: Deflated, Location: Train between Berlin and Beelitz ( outside Seddi), Germany, Date: September 14, 2009, News: Student finance 'shambles' anger

SCREW NO 183. Mood: Confused, Location: Abandoned sanatorium, 14547 Beelitz Heil -stätten, Germany, Date: September 14, 2009, News: ACEH passes adultery stoning law. 

SCREW NO 184. Mood: Confused, Location: Club, Miks, Revalerstraße 99, 10245 Berlin, Germany, Date: September 21, 2009, News: Kenya hit by killer drought. 

SCREW NO 185. Mood: Tired, Location: Art gallery, Clarke Gallery, Friedelstraße 52, 12047 Berlin, Germany, Date: September 27, 2009, News: Schools waste millions report. 

SCREW NO 186. Mood: Tired, Location: Office, address missing or withheld, Schöneberg, Berlin, Germany, Date: September 29, 2009, News: We’re not done yet insists Brown. 

SCREW NO 187. Mood: In love, Location: Project house, Liebigstraße 14, 10247 Friedrichain, Berlin, Germany, Date: September 29, 2009, News:French fan dies after Serb attack. 

SCREW NO 188. Mood: In love, Location: Private house, Hampton Road, number missing or withheld, Waltham Forest, London, E4 8NH, United Kingdom, Date: October 4, 2009, News: Poor air degrades church art work. 

These two screws look like two minus signs. I remove one minus and insert a plus. Plus or minus, there are two possible answers, two possible outcomes, one positive, and one negative.

SCREW NO 189. Mood: Happy, Location: Utrophia Project Space, 136 Tanners Hill, Deptford, London, SE8 , United Kingdom, Date: October 10, 2009, News: 'scary' climate message from the past

SCREW NO 190. Mood: Happy, Location: The Guy Hilton Gallery, 35 Fournier Street, London, E1 6QE , United Kingdom, Date: October 18, 2009, News:New robotic hand can feel.

SCREW NO 191. Mood: Thirsty, Location: Jüdisches Museum Berlin, Lindentraße 9-14, 10969, Berlin, Germany, Date: December 8, 2009, News:Muslim woman 'abused' over dress by hotelier

So much suffering and all I can think of is water. I need water now.

SCREW NO 192. Mood: Tired, Location: Strychnin Gallery Berlin, Boxenhagenerstraße 36, D-10245, Berlin, Germany, Date: December 11, 2009, News:'cryo-egg' to predict sea levels. 

I must be getting good at this. Fast and discreet, like a pick-pocketer, I exchange a screw in a room full of people without drawing attention. Even my friend, standing next to me, scanning the crowd, drink in his hand, do not notice.

SCREW NO 193. Mood: Tired, Location: Berliner Flughafen Tegel, Berlin, Germany, Date: December 17, 2009, News:Club promotes polygamy in Indonesia

SCREW NO 194. Mood: Exhausted, Location: Police Station, Uppsala Sweden, Date: December 17, 2009, News:Club promotes polygamy in Indonesia

For a second, I hesitate,  before removing property from a police station, and replace it with property from Tegel airport.  The screw is tight. Someone is banging on the door. Is there a camera, have I been caught? What would actually happen if I was?

SCREW NO 195. Mood: Nervous, Location: Private Apartment, Berlin Germany, Date: December 30, 2009, News:Australia predicts drop in Indian students

Berlin is covered in snow, the year is coming to an end and I am not really here -No, I am already on my way, excited and slightly nervous.. Tomorrow midnight as everyone else celebrate I will sit by myself in an airplane, above the fireworks and the parties, on my way to someone I haven’t seen for a long time, and a place where I never been.

SCREW NO 196. Mood: Excited, Location: Private Apartment, Tel Aviv, Israel, Date: January 4, 2010, News:Many ignorant on 'waist fat' risk

I just sent you an email. You are so close, I can see you checking your emails. I wrote: I miss you. .

SCREW NO 197. Mood: Happy, Location: Yafa Coffe, Yehuda-marguza 23, Jaffa-Tel Aviv, Israel, Date: January 4, 2010, News:Many ignorant on 'waist fat' risk

Happy. Is that what I am? The more I try to narrow down how I actually feel the more difficult it gets. Yes I am happy. But also sad. What do you call that?

SCREW NO 198. Mood: Relaxed, Location: Changing rooms,The Dead Sea, West Bank. Date: January 5, 2010, News: Israel approves four new buildings in East Jerusalem.

I wish I could stay longer. At the lowest point on earth. Floating in the Dead Sea, while imagining drifting across to Jordan. All my wounds must have healed for nothing stings, but there is salt everywhere. I smell of salt, taste of salt, taste salt. You are waiting, we must go, to the desert of your heart

 

SCREW NO 199. Mood: Exhausted, Location: Restaurant, Village Green, 33 Jaffa St ( at Nahalat Shiva) , Jerusalem.  Date: January 5, 2010, News: Israel approves four new buildings in East Jerusalem.

I have left my small rucksack on the chair by my table upstairs, next to a kippah wearing American Jewish man, seemingly deeply engrossed in conversation with his date about an attempted terror attack, earlier today in the old city. I am not quite sure if leaving my bag unattended in a restaurant in Jerusalem is ‘the thing to do’, but no one seemed to notice, nor care.
There is a torn sticker on the door in the ladies where I am standing, written in Arabic, Hebrew and English, with a number for a rape crises help line and I remove a screw from the door handle, while reflecting on how earlier, the combination of unwanted, never-ending and annoying male attention, “invitations” to a room at the back of a shop for tea or coffee, to a place of interest around the corner, or for a walk on top of the old wall, reached only via a stairway not far away.. together with finding myself lost, deep within the old walled city at dusk, left me torn between a desire to continue exploring the narrow alleys and lanes and irritation of not being left alone to do so.
How with darkness falling fast, a useless map in my hand, and a vague memory of advice to exercise extreme caution in the empty streets of the Old City after dark, (especially women) I searched for a way out, through labyrinth paths and shadowy passageways to less empty quarters, past young boys, shooting each other with toy guns and grown ups, carrying real ones, past robed christian clergy, wide-eyed religious pilgrims, habit wearing nuns, hooded monks, bearded, black-clothed Hasidic Jews, keffiah-wearing Arabs and women with scarfs, wigs or hijabs, a volatile mix of “gang” affiliated traditional codes, conflict woven fabrics stitched with tension, and amid the deep currents, overwhelmed tourists with their head above water, holding digital cameras and haggling with aggressive vendors in the emptying bazaar, its stalls and stores overflowing with spices, oriental sweets and cakes, with clothing, rugs, and embroidery, with jewelry, ceramics and antiques, with religious icons, ceremonial objects, gifts and countless other souvenirs.
 I reached Jaffa gate after dark, disorientated, overwhelmed and hungry, with yet another man following me out of the old city, repeating the same tired lines; you have such beautiful eyes, you are my kind of woman, let me take you to another place just down the road where you can take nice photos, lets sit down for a romantic moment. Followed by 'You don’t trust me?  Why don’t you trust me? Why don’t you trust me? I am your friend..
Still annoyed, I replace the screw in front of me with the one I removed earlier from the changing room by the dead sea and it feels as if days has passed since I was driven through the Judean desert, since I felt the initial shock of the contrasting chill upon stepping out of the overheated car into cold wintry Jerusalem, where you left me.
Its dark outside and I am exhausted. The vegetarian lasagna was overpriced and I am still hungry. I need to lie down, to sleep, but I have hours left to kill, and absolutely no idea where to go. Its time to go..

SCREW NO 200. Mood: Tired, Location: Salon Berlin, 15 Rabi Israel Najara Street, Tel Aviv, Israel, Date: January 7,  News: Mobile phone radiation 'protects' against Alzheimers

SCREW NO 201. Mood: Withdrawn, Location: Private home,Jaffa-Tel-Aviv, Israel Date: January 8, 2010, News: Wind farms: Generating power and jobs?

I want to be alone.
I am with people.
I feel lonely.
Baby.
I miss home.
but where is home
I could live here.
Maybe..
but I am dreaming
of snow..

SCREW NO 202. Mood: Nervous, Location: Train Station, Acre/Akko, Israel, Date: January 11  News: Germany Sells israel More Dolphin Subs

Rifles plus teenagers. The combination makes me slightly nervous. Teenagers and rifles. Israel is full of them, wherever you go you’ll see them, armed prepubescent looking male and female Israeli soldiers in olive green uniforms, either on their way home on leave, or heading off back to base, and here they are too, at this train station in the ancient seaport of Acre or Akko, one of the worlds oldest inhabited cities, talking on mobile phones, buying snacks for their journey, leafing through glossy magazines, some relaxed, some fidgety, some in groups of friends, others alone, with their RayBans, and M-16 rifles, and here I am too, out of view now, nervously removing a screw in the ladies, the door moving at my attempt, making a noisy rhythm, bang, bang, bang, banging against the frame. Schhhhhh…I don’t want to draw attention to myself. Bang, bang, bang, banging against the frame, then another noise. A door opening and closing. Steps coming closer. Silence. I freeze, there is someone on the other side!
In a few minutes my train will leave for Haifa. I don’t want to miss it, its already dark. But who is on the other side, waiting? A fidgety trigger happy teenager with a rifle? My mind on over-spill from a mix of tiredness, excitement, unease, dark humor and vivid imagination flash an internal headline “Screw driver-wielding female tourist shot by Israeli soldier in Acre/Akko train station. It is unclear what the woman’s intention were or how the tool passed the stations stringent security check point. The Israeli army said that it could not comment because the incident is still under investigation” I chuckle to myself and insert the screw from Jaffa. Moving fast now.
The Assyrians, the Egyptian Ptolemites, the Romans, the Byzantines, the Mamluks, the Syrian Seleucids, the first Crusaders, The third Crusaders, the Saracens, the Ottomans, the French, the British, the Arabs and the Israeli forces, all have had a go at conquering or keeping this city.
But me, I am no Pharaoh, no Alexander the great, no Cleopatra, no King, no Sultan, no Lion Heart, no Butcher, no Napoleon, no terrorist, no freedom fighter, no conqueror, and no occupier. No me, I am just passing through, leaving a hidden trace of my own existence. The screw is in place.
Akko/Acre I was here!
This too shall pass…

SCREW NO 203. Mood: Relieved, Location: Cultural Venue, Haifa, Israel,  Date: January 11 2010, Israel to construct barrier along Egyptian border.

I am exhausted after walking for hours, lost in Haifa, already upon arrival, a wrong turn by the harbour, then uphill, always uphill, trying to find my way following your vague directions, still thinking that it can’t be far now, my feet hurting from blisters, my stomach empty and my small rucksack (Why did I bring my laptop?) increasing in weight for each step, and yet refusing to sit down, apart from a brief rest on a bench accompanied by tears, almost giving up (while reflecting on how far I came to get no where close) then hitting the road again, turning another corner, and there, unexpectedly, you! Even though you’re not here, yet. Impulsive Backtrack. Your text still burning in my hand, why embarrass you? You did not see me, you see I was not there too, And now you are texting me again, this time wondering what’s taking me so long, waiting for us to leave in your beat up pick up truck. Well, I screwed myself shut. Brief panic at not being able to open the door, followed by frantic unscrewing, and now, just relief. Relief to be out. Relief at random events. Relief at the kindness of strangers. I redo the exchange, this time the screw fits. Soon we will head south in the warm night. Tomorrow night I will touch snow.  But right now I am still here. Even if I pretend that I am not.

SCREW NO 204. Mood: Nervous, Location: Olive Plantation, Rishon LeZion, Israel, Date: January 12, 2010, News: Israel and US behind Tehran blast-Iranian state media.

I left this one to last. My bag is packed and I am leaving with more questions than answers. I will sit down one last time in nowhere because that’s where you came to meet me and this is where we must part. But first lets have that cup of tea that you make so well.

SCREW NO 205. Mood: Inspired, Location: Atlantis Ar Material & Art Supplies, London, Date: January 27, 2010, News: Ministers attacked over tackling anti-Islamic hostility

I been wandering through Whitechapel and Shoreditch. London feels vibrant, exotic even, buzzing with energy, and now that I have found Atlantis new store I want to buy everything. I drool from excitement over the paper selection, heavy weight, rough surfaced, satin, heavy grained, coloured, handmade, large surfaced, textured or acid free. Loose, in pads or wire bound, as sketch books or in rolls. Over the choice of canvas, linseed oil, turpentine, mediums, stretchers, primers, oil paints, tempera, charcoal, crayons, pastels, vermillion red, powder blue, coral orange, titanium white, indian yellow, royal purple, violet grey, turquoise, phthalo green.. the list goes on. Iam overcome with a desire to paint again, to sculpt and to draw, for making things that can be touched, to fill the world with useless objects. My bag is full with new material, hand-made paper, gouache, brushes, pencils. This place is heaven and right now I am a believer. This place is sex and I am turned on. But first, lets change another screw.

SCREW NO 206. Mood: Cautious, Location: Private Residence, Berlin, Date: February 16, 2010, News: Lies, Damned Lies and Greek Statistics

I can’t put my finger on it exactly, something about your self-centered attitude. But I am left with a strong feeling that you invited me here, expecting, wanting and hoping that I would exchange a screw. But why? Who, exactly do you think is leaving a trace now? You or me? Me or you. Well, everything else in the world is, or at least should be, about you, or so you seem to think, so why not this too. Yes, I was here, in YOUR room, and now you have your trophy. ‘Am I in the photo’? You ask me, making no attempt to move out of the frame while I photograph the exchanged screw. My answer, ‘yes but do not worry’, is accompanied by a secret smile. (I’ll make you blurry and out of focus..)
The longer this project goes on the more often I am confronted with issues that I never thought of at its beginning, and now I find myself wondering about the future, the future of this project. Wondering if in the future some kind of financial value (in the name of art) may become attached to the screws that I have exchanged. If people might invite me into their homes in the hope that I will do it there. If in the future, people might hunt down the screws that I have exchanged, in order to remove them, because they have somehow become valuable, if some kind of black market might spring up, trading in my ‘hidden’ trace of existence. If I will “rearrange” the world, only to have my work undone, if the structure of the world will fall apart at the seams through greed.
And I wonder also if you will read this, and if so how you will feel. And I wonder also about other people who know us, if they will recognise you. And finally, I also wonder how to stay truthful and honest, with the knowledge that it wont stay private, how to stay uncensored and uninhibited about my thoughts/feelings in the face of it all. Is it possible? Is it desirable, and how does it /could it/ will it affect myself and others.
Yes, hello edit crazy mind. What to leave in and what to leave out. For at any one point there is more than one thread to follow and record. Like a camera set on continuous shoot. More than one version. More than one possible representation of  myself and my experience.
I could have written something else..
I could have written about my thoughts about the books in this shelf
but I did not..